family videos

My coming of age can be hard sometimes. Today was a little rough around the edges.

But I'm grateful for the people I love and who love me. I rely a lot on them.

Jamison sent me the video below today. Nick's homecoming. It made me cry and feel the love of my family from far away. Just what I needed at that moment.

Enjoy!

Note: There was controversy about the song choice. In the end, they went with mine, and I think it was great. I might have a career in film soundtracks. 


Elder St. Clair Homecoming from ThreeC FilmCo on Vimeo.

thought for today

"You can dance in a hurricane, but only if you're standing in the eye." - Brandi Carlile

Something that hits me in the gut today.

just dance.

{I found this in my drafts about a night I had several weeks ago.}

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." - Friedrich Nietzsche

I've spent the past few days at some pretty cool places with some of my favorite people. And these days have just been good.

One of these places was Club 90, a come-as-you-are honky tonk bar where I feel in an odd way like I've rediscovered my homeland. One of my new dear friends, Emily Golightly {her name! I just die over it} took Liz and I up there several weeks ago because her dad is in the Karaoke band that plays there every Thursday night. We loved it so much that of course we had to go back and bring other friends to experience the magic.

Our group sat in a nervous sort of panic mixed with excitement as we listened to the other singers. I sat next to Audrey, who poured over the book and quietly hummed song after song next to me. She and I both pulled up possible songs on YouTube, cupping our hands around the phone speaker to hear better. Jess knew what she was going to sing when she got there - her go-to classic. Emily is so comfortable, she chose last minute. We all finally settled on songs after the waitress had brought a round of water bottles and fried pickles. Our personal concert would be an odd conglomeration ranging from the Dixie Chicks' "Goodbye Earl" to Journey's "Faithfully" to Meghan Trainor's "All About that Bass".

I was the first to sing in our little group of girls, after a long string of more colorful characters. We definitely stood out. In fact, one of the band members chuckled as he said, "For our next portion of karaoke, you may only sing if you are fresh-faced and innocent."

We all nailed it. I sang Marc Cohn's classic "Walking in Memphis" and had my own special moment. It wasn't great, but I can say I transported myself to that little piano bar in Tennessee. In the end, it didn't matter how well we sang anyway. At Club 90, the crowd loves you no matter what. You get off stage and you feel brave and liberated and completely high on performance adrenaline.

The rest of the night we sang and danced with the best of 'em. Audrey, Emily, and I danced like maniacs on the dance floor to karaoke versions of Journey's "Separate Ways" and AC/DC's "Highway to Hell."

Taylor Swift said that when she was making her oh so famous "Shake It Off" music video, she chose to feature all sorts of dancing because she says she thinks that the way people dance shows a lot about them. And whether someone is willing to dance like a maniac. I'm right there with you, T Swizzle.

One of my favorite feelings in the world is the freedom I feel when I sing and dance like no one's watching. Spontaneous dance parties free my mind and my personal concerts in my car when I'm clapping and singing at the top of my lungs give me courage and strength. I have to remember, whenever I feel like I am losing sight of what's important, all I need to do is DANCE.

As an extra treat, here's one of my favorite Fallon moments, with awesome Jennifer Lawrence {how can you not love it?}. There's a high possibility I've contributed 1000 of the 11.5 million views.
 

check marks the spot

Like everyone else it seems, I've been reflecting on the year over these past couple weeks, especially as I've been setting goals for 2015, and what I've come to realize is that is that I actually did several things I said I would. I could put check marks in the little check boxes next to last year's goals written in my journal, and what a feeling! A mixture of accomplishment, pride, and liberation. I don't know that I've ever gone back a year and checked my progress before (I'm ashamed to say), but it was real nice to see that I'm moving forward and doing things I really want to do.

Lesson learned. My goals don't have to be words on a page, but actual living memories.

It was fun and exciting to decide what my goals would be this year and write them down with new check boxes.

Here's to making a list and checking it twice.

I choose adventure

I love this recently acquired piece of mine. I realize I'm speaking as if I am a wealthy art collector and I've just returned from another auction where I captured an original Degas, when what really happened was that I couldn't say no to this perfectly positioned 4x6 print when it caught my attention as I wove wide-eyed throughout another hipster haven/temporary art boutique in Provo.

"Would you like an adventure now, or shall we have our tea first?"

Good question. So many times in my life, it is THE question (though admittedly in my case, not so British).

I always want adventures. Like Belle sings, "I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell." But it seems there are always so many other things to do first that eat up so much of my time. In fact, eating is on that list. Also, work. Laundry. Sleeping. Sitting at stop lights. Fixing cars. Grocery shopping. Showering. Cleaning the bathroom. Why does the day to day living have to take up so much dang time?

And sometimes I think I purposely put off taking the next step into the big world because I'm afraid of what will happen next, or what won't happen next. So then I just stop and have another cup of tea (figurative or herbal) because it just is easy and comfortable and safe.

I want to be more brave in the next year. to have more courage to have adventures and also to be open and vulnerable.

I want my answer to Peter's question to be, "I'm sick of tea. I choose adventure!"

happy NEW year

Happy New Year! I can't believe it is already 2015. The passing of time is a spooky and sort of eerie idea - pretty incomprehensible to me in many ways. I don't understand how in one case time can move slower than a dog on ice and yet, after all the times this year that I couldn't wait to finally go to Italy or for summer to come or for Monday to be over, here we are in 2015 and I find myself wondering "where did all the time go?"

I don't want this to turn into me yammering on about all the things I should've done but didn't or how I'm worried that if time passes quickly now, how much more quickly it will pass as the years go by. No. I want to think about everything that I've loved and all the experiences I've had, rather than any supposed gaps.

I spent New Year's Day getting my crap together. The holidays got so busy and bit by bit I lost some of the control that I had over my small life. So, as I had the day off and for most of the day even had the house to myself, I took it back.

Things I did make my 2015 new:

ALL my laundry. {This is a truly incredible feat if you understand what my laundry process entails. I don't think I have had a time in months where all my clothes have been clean and I can LITERALLY wear anything I own. It's a nice feeling.}

Note: I never have billowing piles of laundry, but I wash many of my clothes on delicate cycles and hang dry them. I am a laundry nazi. 

Cleaned out my crazy papers. {I filed all my annoying documents that I have to keep but that I usually just pile on my desk "to do something with later."}

Dusted and vacuumed my room. {Scary.}

Didn't leave the house once. {I sort of got dressed, if you count getting dressed as changing from my pajamas to work out leggings and jacket and socks.}

Organized some bins and found long lost journals. {Journals I've been looking for since I moved here!}

Sang and danced at the top of my lungs. {To who else but T Swift?}

Went to the bathroom with the door open. {One of the most liberating things in my opinion.}

And finally...

Finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. {and sobbed on the couch.}

All in all, a perfect day.

I think I'm ready for you, 2015. I'm still a little nervous for you, but at least I'm ready.

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" - Albus Dumbledore

The Feeling

There's a feeling I get, and it's one of my least favorite feelings, but I'm as familiar with it as I am with shivering.

The Feeling comes with the look of goodbye after a really great date, when you want to see him again and you couldn't imagine he wouldn't feel the same way, but you know without hesitation that another one bites the dust. He'll hug you quick, then look at you with eyes that say, "You're great but please don't expect me to call you again."

The Feeling is a mixture of confusion, frustration, annoyance, and humiliation. So I guess it's healthy to feel once in a while. But I've become much too acquainted with it.

And with that, I just want to say, in a true Taylor Swift fashion:

Boys, I would love to be your friend, but in any other pursuit, leave me the freak alone.