no regrets

Maybe there is one time I would time travel to...

My mom always jokes that she loves to live in regret. Mostly, it just comes up when she makes some big purchase - she'll question over and over again whether we should have gotten a Honda instead of a Hyundai or if we should have gotten the softer carpet or whether the pool tile should have been a darker blue.

I've inherited this from her in certain ways - a trait my neuroticism would inevitably embrace. I question every purchase I make and even the some of the most minuscule purchases have become an even bigger and more involved production than you could possibly imagine. Everyone in my wake gets roped in. Just a couple weeks ago, I involved Liz and Candace and Target's Customer Service in a flannel sheet purchase. But many will remember the great Macbook fiasco from earlier this year. The poor BestBuy Geek Squad won't forget me for a very long time.

In these huge and often complex purchases where I'm undoing or redoing purchases I should have made in the first place, I often think to myself, "I wish I could just go back and redo this whole thing. It would have made everything so much easier if I had just dyed my hair the right color in the first place."

But then, so often, once the process is complete, I am sure that I have what I want. I tried the other scenario and I knew it was the wrong thing, so I just made the change and it all worked out, like it literally ALWAYS does.

I think about this in terms of my life. There was a time when I would have loved to go back in time and change key decisions or conversations - those tiny moments that as it's turned out, are the cruxes of my story. I think about redoing the past because the future is so uncertain. I wonder if maybe I would feel more certain about the future had I done something different in the past. But the fact of the matter is that the future is always going to be uncertain. That's what is so exciting and scary about it all.

One of my favorite lines from the New Testament is this beautiful thought from Paul:

"For now, we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." - 1 Corinthians 13:12

Time travel was the topic of one of the stories of This American Life today. It turns out that there are lots of various opinions on the subject. Go ahead and listen.

The more I think about it and the more I live, the more I wouldn't want to change a single thing. Plus, time travel is currently impossible, so it's a useless thought anyway. But even if it were an option, as of right now, I would opt out.

Eventually, all will become clear. Up until then, we can just take our sweet time.

"We're all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride. " - Tim, "About Time"
{This movie is "R" rated, but if you can find an edited copy or edit it yourself, you are in for a most wonderful treat.}

"...I have been time traveling, it's just that I've been traveling into the future, at 60 minutes per hour. And maybe that's how we fix the past?" - Sean Cole, This American Life Ep. 539

listening: "Sailingsong" by A Fine Frenzy

sabbath day special: fasting

"To fast is to go without food and drink voluntarily for a certain period of time. Fasting combined with sincere prayer can help you prepare yourself and others to receive God's blessings."
- True to the Faith, "Fasting"

I've been an advocate for fasting since preparing for my mission, when I found out that fasting has somewhat "supercharged" spiritual power. Then, I came to realize on my mission that if I needed something major done, and I needed it done quickly, all I needed to do was fast - maybe that is why it's called fasting? My companions and I joked in awed whispers that we saw answers to our fasts literally within the day or over the next couple days.

I've still seen this to be true, though I think there isn't so much urgency in my questions as there was on my mission. However, today I was reminded just how much power fasting has, and my mother was an integral part of the whole thing. Maybe she was my angelic messenger for the day, and this was a small miracle in my recent life?

I was fasting for a couple different things - mostly more knowledge and understanding and hope in my life at this time, but also other somewhat intangible things. I didn't necessarily know how the answers could come immediately or in general. However, the lesson in Sunday School was along the lines of what I was thinking of and I thought, "Wow, maybe this is what Heavenly Father is trying to tell me? Cool." And I was grateful and learned a lot. But then, when I got home I checked my phone and my mom had texted me to tell me to check my email inbox. The email I had waiting for me contained literal answers to everything I had been fasting for. It was there on the screen, blaring right at me and I knew that she had been inspired to tell me all of those things. I read it three times over, as tears streamed down my face and I felt love fill every part of me.

I love this gospel and I love my Heavenly Father and I love my mom. I love how perfect the plan is for us to have these little moments of assurance and comfort. That we can choose to do things that God has asked us to do, like fast, so that we can receive His blessings. And I love that He has put us in families, so we can have little angels around us. Or for those that don't have the best family situation, He gives us friends or others that love us to convey important messages of a more divine love.

I'm so glad for this sabbath day and that I can have little miracles and angels that help me in my daily life.