thought for today

"You can dance in a hurricane, but only if you're standing in the eye." - Brandi Carlile

Something that hits me in the gut today.

just dance.

{I found this in my drafts about a night I had several weeks ago.}

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." - Friedrich Nietzsche

I've spent the past few days at some pretty cool places with some of my favorite people. And these days have just been good.

One of these places was Club 90, a come-as-you-are honky tonk bar where I feel in an odd way like I've rediscovered my homeland. One of my new dear friends, Emily Golightly {her name! I just die over it} took Liz and I up there several weeks ago because her dad is in the Karaoke band that plays there every Thursday night. We loved it so much that of course we had to go back and bring other friends to experience the magic.

Our group sat in a nervous sort of panic mixed with excitement as we listened to the other singers. I sat next to Audrey, who poured over the book and quietly hummed song after song next to me. She and I both pulled up possible songs on YouTube, cupping our hands around the phone speaker to hear better. Jess knew what she was going to sing when she got there - her go-to classic. Emily is so comfortable, she chose last minute. We all finally settled on songs after the waitress had brought a round of water bottles and fried pickles. Our personal concert would be an odd conglomeration ranging from the Dixie Chicks' "Goodbye Earl" to Journey's "Faithfully" to Meghan Trainor's "All About that Bass".

I was the first to sing in our little group of girls, after a long string of more colorful characters. We definitely stood out. In fact, one of the band members chuckled as he said, "For our next portion of karaoke, you may only sing if you are fresh-faced and innocent."

We all nailed it. I sang Marc Cohn's classic "Walking in Memphis" and had my own special moment. It wasn't great, but I can say I transported myself to that little piano bar in Tennessee. In the end, it didn't matter how well we sang anyway. At Club 90, the crowd loves you no matter what. You get off stage and you feel brave and liberated and completely high on performance adrenaline.

The rest of the night we sang and danced with the best of 'em. Audrey, Emily, and I danced like maniacs on the dance floor to karaoke versions of Journey's "Separate Ways" and AC/DC's "Highway to Hell."

Taylor Swift said that when she was making her oh so famous "Shake It Off" music video, she chose to feature all sorts of dancing because she says she thinks that the way people dance shows a lot about them. And whether someone is willing to dance like a maniac. I'm right there with you, T Swizzle.

One of my favorite feelings in the world is the freedom I feel when I sing and dance like no one's watching. Spontaneous dance parties free my mind and my personal concerts in my car when I'm clapping and singing at the top of my lungs give me courage and strength. I have to remember, whenever I feel like I am losing sight of what's important, all I need to do is DANCE.

As an extra treat, here's one of my favorite Fallon moments, with awesome Jennifer Lawrence {how can you not love it?}. There's a high possibility I've contributed 1000 of the 11.5 million views.
 

I choose adventure

I love this recently acquired piece of mine. I realize I'm speaking as if I am a wealthy art collector and I've just returned from another auction where I captured an original Degas, when what really happened was that I couldn't say no to this perfectly positioned 4x6 print when it caught my attention as I wove wide-eyed throughout another hipster haven/temporary art boutique in Provo.

"Would you like an adventure now, or shall we have our tea first?"

Good question. So many times in my life, it is THE question (though admittedly in my case, not so British).

I always want adventures. Like Belle sings, "I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell." But it seems there are always so many other things to do first that eat up so much of my time. In fact, eating is on that list. Also, work. Laundry. Sleeping. Sitting at stop lights. Fixing cars. Grocery shopping. Showering. Cleaning the bathroom. Why does the day to day living have to take up so much dang time?

And sometimes I think I purposely put off taking the next step into the big world because I'm afraid of what will happen next, or what won't happen next. So then I just stop and have another cup of tea (figurative or herbal) because it just is easy and comfortable and safe.

I want to be more brave in the next year. to have more courage to have adventures and also to be open and vulnerable.

I want my answer to Peter's question to be, "I'm sick of tea. I choose adventure!"

happy NEW year

Happy New Year! I can't believe it is already 2015. The passing of time is a spooky and sort of eerie idea - pretty incomprehensible to me in many ways. I don't understand how in one case time can move slower than a dog on ice and yet, after all the times this year that I couldn't wait to finally go to Italy or for summer to come or for Monday to be over, here we are in 2015 and I find myself wondering "where did all the time go?"

I don't want this to turn into me yammering on about all the things I should've done but didn't or how I'm worried that if time passes quickly now, how much more quickly it will pass as the years go by. No. I want to think about everything that I've loved and all the experiences I've had, rather than any supposed gaps.

I spent New Year's Day getting my crap together. The holidays got so busy and bit by bit I lost some of the control that I had over my small life. So, as I had the day off and for most of the day even had the house to myself, I took it back.

Things I did make my 2015 new:

ALL my laundry. {This is a truly incredible feat if you understand what my laundry process entails. I don't think I have had a time in months where all my clothes have been clean and I can LITERALLY wear anything I own. It's a nice feeling.}

Note: I never have billowing piles of laundry, but I wash many of my clothes on delicate cycles and hang dry them. I am a laundry nazi. 

Cleaned out my crazy papers. {I filed all my annoying documents that I have to keep but that I usually just pile on my desk "to do something with later."}

Dusted and vacuumed my room. {Scary.}

Didn't leave the house once. {I sort of got dressed, if you count getting dressed as changing from my pajamas to work out leggings and jacket and socks.}

Organized some bins and found long lost journals. {Journals I've been looking for since I moved here!}

Sang and danced at the top of my lungs. {To who else but T Swift?}

Went to the bathroom with the door open. {One of the most liberating things in my opinion.}

And finally...

Finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. {and sobbed on the couch.}

All in all, a perfect day.

I think I'm ready for you, 2015. I'm still a little nervous for you, but at least I'm ready.

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" - Albus Dumbledore

no regrets

Maybe there is one time I would time travel to...

My mom always jokes that she loves to live in regret. Mostly, it just comes up when she makes some big purchase - she'll question over and over again whether we should have gotten a Honda instead of a Hyundai or if we should have gotten the softer carpet or whether the pool tile should have been a darker blue.

I've inherited this from her in certain ways - a trait my neuroticism would inevitably embrace. I question every purchase I make and even the some of the most minuscule purchases have become an even bigger and more involved production than you could possibly imagine. Everyone in my wake gets roped in. Just a couple weeks ago, I involved Liz and Candace and Target's Customer Service in a flannel sheet purchase. But many will remember the great Macbook fiasco from earlier this year. The poor BestBuy Geek Squad won't forget me for a very long time.

In these huge and often complex purchases where I'm undoing or redoing purchases I should have made in the first place, I often think to myself, "I wish I could just go back and redo this whole thing. It would have made everything so much easier if I had just dyed my hair the right color in the first place."

But then, so often, once the process is complete, I am sure that I have what I want. I tried the other scenario and I knew it was the wrong thing, so I just made the change and it all worked out, like it literally ALWAYS does.

I think about this in terms of my life. There was a time when I would have loved to go back in time and change key decisions or conversations - those tiny moments that as it's turned out, are the cruxes of my story. I think about redoing the past because the future is so uncertain. I wonder if maybe I would feel more certain about the future had I done something different in the past. But the fact of the matter is that the future is always going to be uncertain. That's what is so exciting and scary about it all.

One of my favorite lines from the New Testament is this beautiful thought from Paul:

"For now, we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." - 1 Corinthians 13:12

Time travel was the topic of one of the stories of This American Life today. It turns out that there are lots of various opinions on the subject. Go ahead and listen.

The more I think about it and the more I live, the more I wouldn't want to change a single thing. Plus, time travel is currently impossible, so it's a useless thought anyway. But even if it were an option, as of right now, I would opt out.

Eventually, all will become clear. Up until then, we can just take our sweet time.

"We're all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride. " - Tim, "About Time"
{This movie is "R" rated, but if you can find an edited copy or edit it yourself, you are in for a most wonderful treat.}

"...I have been time traveling, it's just that I've been traveling into the future, at 60 minutes per hour. And maybe that's how we fix the past?" - Sean Cole, This American Life Ep. 539

listening: "Sailingsong" by A Fine Frenzy